You know those days when you’re in the parking garage, putting on eye makeup quick like a bunny in the mirror, and then you realize that you need to pluck your eyebrows SOOOO badly, but you have no tweezers?
Those are crazy-making days.
Please don’t steal shoes from dead witches, because then someone will have to steal your shoes off your body three times, and that seems challenging.
Seriously, who could resist sparkly red shoes, right? Even off a corpse? OK, most people, probably. It’s a shame my scanner doesn’t really pick up glitter. I didn’t even try … Continue reading
For my friend who couldn’t get into her car recently, and for me, and primarily for my parking spot neighbours who inevitably park like dicks.
Not only did I have to climb into my car through the passenger side three times in one week in my work parking garage (and I have a small car, … Continue reading
I meant to put this one up Saturday, so that it immediately followed the Kool-Aid man, but clearly I didn’t do that.
Oops. Admit it, you always suspected this, right? Right.
Like the Kool-Aid man! Only less liquidy and not trying to convince you to drink out of her head.
Seriously, what part of a giant pitcher smashing into your house and then wanting you to drink his innards ISN’T upsetting? Of course, I have similar feelings about pinatas with … Continue reading
At some point I will probably hear from the original Guilt Ninja about this, and this will be the gist of that conversation.
Holy shit, y’all. Apparently people love depressing blog posts on New Year’s Day.
I glanced at the site stats as I was logging on and found a nearly unprecedented number of views, although it’s possible my friends are just double-checking things a lot … Continue reading
Some New Year’s thoughts that are probably depressing, so you should probably go read something else instead. Probably.
Events which I will not go into and also just that regular Gregorian New Year’s stock-taking that we’re all so fond of have me back on this thing, so naturally … Continue reading
Because the tendency to leap out of the way when someone else heads for the same chair as you is not what that game is about.
Y’all, there was a game of musical chairs at my work Christmas party that seemed likely to dissolve into bloodshed at any moment. I was actually thrilled to be out … Continue reading
My wish is for a brawny manservant to whip my cheesecakes. Wait, that sounds weird.
Hi, everybody! (Hi, Doctor Nick!) I went to a super fun Browncoat holiday shindig last night, and then today I got up at the crack of ten and cleaned and … Continue reading
Neurotic Owl 