Please don’t steal shoes from dead witches, because then someone will have to steal your shoes off your body three times, and that seems challenging.
Seriously, who could resist sparkly red shoes, right? Even off a corpse? OK, most people, probably. It’s a shame my scanner doesn’t really pick up glitter. I didn’t even try … Continue reading
She still doesn’t need glasses. She just likes wearing them.
Not because her answers are always right, but because there is nothing as gross as writing in pencil on newsprint. Eugh. It’s like mayonnaise and tapioca and cream cheese’s grossness … Continue reading
No, not you you, other people you. Cool your mammaries.
Because occasionally it’s nice to use a word that isn’t ‘like’ or the equally vague phrases ‘kind of’, sort of’, etc. This is yet another thing that drove me bonkers … Continue reading
You should probably avoid food that makes demands on you.
And can I just say that it’s really hard to draw stripey socks on tiny owl legs? That’s all. Oh, and if he thinks he’s going to use Food Truck … Continue reading
For my friend who couldn’t get into her car recently, and for me, and primarily for my parking spot neighbours who inevitably park like dicks.
Not only did I have to climb into my car through the passenger side three times in one week in my work parking garage (and I have a small car, … Continue reading
Sometimes you have to revise your expectations downward.
Of course, since he just flashy-thinged you, you won’t remember this post.
Please don’t hate the new guy.
I realize he’s not as lovable as most, but can’t you find a place in your heart for a jellyfish? Just for clarity’s sake, because the facebook preview of this … Continue reading
He might need some help.
The gym at my workplace has several Nautilus machines, and I regularly use the ab-crunchy one and the leg pressy one and the arm one where you bring your arms … Continue reading
I meant to put this one up Saturday, so that it immediately followed the Kool-Aid man, but clearly I didn’t do that.
Oops. Admit it, you always suspected this, right? Right.
Neurotic Owl 