Stare into his unblinking beady gaze.
This is a very specific one-off that may require explanation. One of my friends recently went to Peru and ate 1/17th of a guinea pig (because she was with 16 other people, not because she’s super obsessive about calculating how much of a food she’s eaten. That’s Tesla you’re thinking of).
And apparently guinea pig is greasy and disgusting and so now you all know that AND NO ONE HAS TO DO THAT AGAIN. Peruvian folk, you be you, but if you grew up thinking of guinea pigs as adorable pets, I vote that they’re on the no eat list. (Friends who grew up on farms are laughing hysterically right now and I don’t care.)
You know what was even more upsetting? When an old boyfriend (they do exist!) told me that he’d eaten and enjoyed dog when he was stationed in Korea, WHILE PETTING HIS DOG. No. No no no no no. That’s not why I broke up with him, but it is why I did not kiss him for a week.
I have to go brush my teeth now.
Neurotic Owl 