I break for opera. (Braking for opera would just be weird.)
More cartoons are coming, but I saw Tosca last night, and I have THOUGHTS. First of all, it was beautiful and glorious and if you’re in the Houston area, you should check it out, either now or when it’s free at the Miller Outdoor Theatre in May.
- If you’re a smexy painter and your suuuuper jealous lovah visits you at work all the time, maybe don’t leave obsessive paintings of another chick just lying around.
- If you’re leaving your escaped convict brother women’s clothes and accessories to hide in, first, make sure prison hasn’t turned him all beardy and huge. There is not a heavy enough veil in the world to make that plausible. Second, make sure you don’t leave your incredibly incriminating fan with a giant family crest on it. You’re clearly rich, maybe pick up a plain one?
- When the dude who’s just been horribly torturing your boyfriend offers you wine, pause to consider whether it’s rufied. (OK, it wasn’t THIS time, but still.)
- When the torturey, rapey dude then offers to PRETEND to execute your boyfriend, be suspicious. Especially when he tells his henchman like this: “Perform his execution the same way we did with Bob!” “Yes, just like Bob.” “Exactly like Bob.” “Yup, like Bob.” I’m pretty sure Bob is not currently running around chasing rabbits on a farm upstate. In fact, I’d say Bob got shot.
- Tosca, you’re a badass and that guy very much deserved the stabbing, but details are important. You did not stab him in the heart. You clearly stabbed him in the back of the neck. (And then the back, and then slit his throat, just in case.) I’m sure that’s harder to sing, but be proud! That is a serious stabbing, and you probably just earned a super special teardrop tattoo and some major prison cred, which might come in handy if they catch you.
- OH, never mind, forgot this was an opera. Bye, Tosca. You were a kickass bitch.