flying through clouds of uncertainty on wings of existential dread
Mild trigger warning? It’s probably not an issue unless you’re reading blogs while on top of high buildings or ladders, so don’t do that.
A friend was talking about their TOTALLY NORMAL fear of heights/being pushed off of heights, which is not at all unusual and probably a really good survival trait, and it got me wondering if anybody else does the thing I do. That thing being, feeling a weird complulsion like any second you’re going to step off of the ledge or ladder or building? And then you back away from the edge, because eek, what if I do it?
It’s a suicidal thing because I know what that feels like (boo knowledge!). I don’t know what it is, but I somewhere got the idea that other people get that feeling too, and now I’m not sure if that’s so or if I just made it up. I’m pretty imaginative. In my misspent youth I made up a sequel to one of my favourite books and apparently fanfic’d it so thoroughly in my head that I was sure it existed and I had read it. And there is now a sequel to said book, but NOT THE ONE I REMEMBER.
So basically I’m an unreliable narrator of my own life who might want to leap off buildings. Yay?