flying through clouds of uncertainty on wings of existential dread
Because Alabama did the right thing! Thanks, all of you who voted correctly, which means especially black women!
In other news, I pissed off several Jewish parents (not mine) yesterday, then ate latkes with my actual parents, so take that, Facebook surrogates! I have sufficient parents and you can stop trying to be them! Specifically, I made a joke that was in no way new or original about the tradition of lackluster Hannukah gifts preparing children for life’s disappointments, and cue the butthurt. IT WAS A JOKE I’M NOT AN UNGRATEFUL DICK FUCK OOOOOFFFFFF.
But seriously, speak up if you’re a Jewish kid who didn’t have roughly this experience of Hannukah:
Night one: Stickers. Night two: coin purse. Night three: oh fuck, is it still. . . um, here, I’ve got a quarter. Nights four through seven: let’s just wait till the last night, then it’ll be a big gift. Night eight: maybe a Barbie, or maybe they’ve moved on and you should just wait till your birthday.
And that’s FINE, as an adult I understand that presents were only added to the holiday to placate little yids so we’d quit begging for a tree, I was just trying to share a laugh about our general holiday experience. Your Christian friends get Santa and the Easter bunny, and you get dreidels and matzoh, there are going to be a few resentful feelings, amiright?
So now it’s an even tossup whether the nice men in clean white coats will take me away muttering maniacally about Facebook grumps or spruce trees. I posted the black and white to Redbubble last night in case some crazy asshole wants to join me in coloring in all this bullshit.
Remember when I drew nice simple owls? Me neither.