flying through clouds of uncertainty on wings of existential dread
Anyone who thinks the Little Mermaid isn’t a hard-core bitch hasn’t read the original story. First, she doesn’t do it all for some dude, she basically uses the dude to get an immortal soul. And you can find that motivation dumb or too religious or whatever, but when have people not done crazy bullshit for the vague, unprovable promise of some sort of afterlife? She absolutely KNOWS that this will work, she just has to jump through some seriously shitty hoops and get very lucky. And the walking on knives bit. Monday, I wore the wrong shoes to work and my feets were all rubbed and burning and miserable, and I was not a happy camper. I was still hobbling a little bit the next day. You know what’s worse than that? Walking on motherfucking knives. The Little Mermaid is basically Rambo.
But selfless Rambo, because she’ll give up her tail and walk on knives and lose her voice to get what she wants, but she won’t stab the prince and his new wife in their sleep AND BATHE HER FEET IN THEIR BLOOD. Her sisters totally think she will, though, so clearly mermaids are generally pretty hard-core.
Hans Christian Andersen was basically warning everyone to never fuck with a mermaid, and we reinterpreted that as, “Look how pretty! Aw, she’s in lurve!”