Neurotic Owl

flying through clouds of uncertainty on wings of existential dread

Introducing Ivanya.

Some of you aren’t friends with me on Facebook (because we’re strangers IRL), and this is your reward, because this silliness will actually be new to you.  For the last three weeks or so, I’ve been enjoying my brand new headcanon:

Sometimes I like to imagine that somewhere, in the basement of the X mansion, there’s a fully equipped sewing room and a little old Russian lady, cursing through a mouthful of pins every time someone ruins their costume in a fight or randomly changes looks (KITTY).

“Katya, this is nine time already this year you change costumes. No more unless you learn sew, make yourself! And tell Gambit he does own laundry from now on.”

Why Scott put name in every piece of costume like child at summer camp? Who he think wants his clothes?

‘I tell you secret – this hot pink body armor of Gambit’s? Is no armor, just strange skin discoloration. Gambit hez many strange sexual diseases. I make him wash own codpiece now.’

Kurt thinks is secret where he bamfs at night, but I wash costumes! I find many blue hairs on many ladies’ clothing.

Is worse than cat.

Cable, why you need so many many pouches? I make no more till you show what you put in them.

Jubilee, either no more chili fries or no more yellow coat.

General memo from Ivanya: Please, if teammate dies but costume is ok, take off and bring back to mansion. Will save much work and budget when come back to life later.

Logan, I make claw covers special for you. Wear them, or I make you darn own sheets. Last warning.

General memo: All X-Men have been issued thermos of ice water. When you bleed on costume, please, take off immediately and soak stain. Being naked X-Man in middle of fight is less scary than bringing Ivanya more blood stains to clean. I promise.

Jean, you are psychic but cannot read calendar? Ivanya is tired of cleaning your accidents.

Gambit, Ivanya does not care how much you liked Megic Mike stripper movie. Ivanya will not make tear-off pants. Ivanya will consider chastity belt, though.

General memo: next X-Man to make snarky comments to Ivanya about production delays gets pins in crotch. Go talk to Dr. Richards. He promise more fabric six weeks ago.

Piotr, Ivanya knows you are good Russian boy. Stop making eyes at Katya. She is too young and this is not old country.

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This entry was posted on July 23, 2015 by and tagged , , , .
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