flying through clouds of uncertainty on wings of existential dread
1. The phrase ‘tit wagon’ will never stop amusing me. It came up at one of my jobs and led to a rolling giggle fit, and now it’s my new swear-like exclamation. Tit wagon!
2. Die Fledermaus is an operetta, not technically an opera. There’s not a joke there; I just didn’t know it.
3. Pesto is freezable in ice cube trays, which will be great for my continued pesto supply and terrible when I get home super tired and accidentally put a pesto cube in my juice. I hate you already, juice ruiner. BTW, juice is not a euphemism for a terrible drinking problem. I just really like juice. In fact, I sometimes wonder what the checkers at my regular grocery store think about the amount of cranberry juice I buy. Probably bad things. (Boys, ask a lady.)
4. I don’t seem to have hereditary lady-part cancer in my family. Yay!
5. Asking your mom about hereditary lady-part cancer at dinner is awkward, but mostly for the waitress, because my mother is used to me.
6. 7 hours of uninterrupted shopping sucks balls. The mall is terrible and all those Charlotte Russe/Forever Twenty One/horrible clubwear stores need to turn their damn music down. Also, I’m old. (I’m not endorsing shopping at Forever Twenty One, by the way, but I’m working on a trailer park themed show, so. Yeah.)
7. It doesn’t matter how much you assure the girl cutting your hair that you want the split ends GONE, she will just keep checking and checking if it’s really ok to cut that much off. I think someone’s a veteran of ANTM-style makeover meltdowns. It grows back, y’all.
8. Cacique is carrying styles I like in my bra size now, and if you’re not an H cup or similar, you have no idea why I’m squealing for joy right now.
9. There is a Neil Gaiman book I will never read again, and that book is ‘Fragile Things’. I’m actually tempted to pull a Joey and keep it in my freezer until I can find a good way to get rid of it. Oh, hey, anyone I know in real life want a super traumatizing book? (OK, two. ‘American Gods’, you are dead to me.)
10. I can burn podcasts to CD!, but I need to buy longer play CDS. That’s a thing, right? I’m really enjoying listening to every episode of Sparks Nevada in order in my car, but too many discs! Plus I want to do Beyond Belief next.
I’m not sure these were funny or informative. Sorry.
1. I’ve never heard that but now it will probably slip out at some point.
2. I saw that in Vienna and have never been able to recall the name until now. Thanks.
3. Pesto comes in jars and is too delicious to not eat in it’s entirety before it spoils.
4. I’m glad.
5. I hope you tipped well.
6. THOSE STORES ARE TERRIBLE. Unless you’re shopping for cleaning rags.
7. If they cut off all my split ends I’d be bald.
8. H?! Does that stand for Holy Shit?
9. What is so bad about this book? Is it worse than “The Notebook” by Nicholas Sparks? Impossible.
10. CDs are still a thing?
1. Hooray! The tit wagon phenomenon spreads!
2. You’re welcome.
3. I live alone and the cat doesn’t eat pesto, so even with my current habit of putting it on EVERYthing, I was a little worried.
P.S. – I freak out about food spoilage far more than any sane human.
4. Me too.
5. Always, but also, she had a story, and isn’t that the best tip? No, no it’s not.
6. Or a show set in a trailer park.
7. But if you were bald, I could tell you how to make your head leopard-printed using a stick of celery!
8. Ouch, dude. Did not ask for these ridiculous boobs.
9. It is an excellently written book that gives me the heebie jeebie tummy.
10. They are if you drive a ’99 Honda Accord.
Waiting on my hairdresser and she asked me if I was ok – num. 5 got me, guess I’m “comfortable” with you and your mom so I could picture the waitress! And I told you that my opera singing friend said that I haven’t been to a real opera yet as die fieldmaus and glass didn’t count